My name is Cait. Yes, this is a pen name. Yes, this is all that I want to share with my public blog for now. I am using a pseudonym so please remember throughout the blog all of the names and places will be concealed as well.
I have always been told ‘Cait, you should write a book’ about my witty stories and wild adventures. While this blog will contain some of those fun stories, it will also contain some parts of me and stories that aren’t ready for the world to know they belong to me. This is where I will collect those stories so that maybe one day I will publish them with my full real name attached.
In my other tabs you can explore the reasons I named my blog what it is. But, if you haven’t ventured that far yet, here’s the fast version. Bookends hold books together and keep them from falling off the shelf. Bookends are flexible storage. Meaning their use is able to be rearranged. No matter how many books I seem to collect on my shelf, the bookend never complains. It always leaves just enough space for the newest book. I am a textiles student. Warp ends are the yarns in a fabric that run vertically. They must be perfectly spaced with precise tension so that the weft (filling) yarns can weave in-between them. They play a critical role. They allow designs and patterns to be made while every row is different, the warp yarns are constant.
To me, Christ is that bookend. He holds my chapters together and stabilizes my life. He is also very much in my tapestry. Everyone has heard the story of the yarn that by itself seems to be useless. But, in a tapestry you can follow it and see the bigger design. Christ is that for me. I can make designs and see the row I am working on. But unless He guides where my filling yarns go, the grander tapestry does not make a pattern or design.
My textile or tapestry has it’s dark rows that are woven into my life. Those dark chapters where I need the bookends to stabilize are going to be recorded here.
Now, before you start to follow my blog, please note that there is a CW/TW (Content Warning/Trigger Warning) in my ‘about me’ tab. My story has a past of anxiety, depression, self-harm, panic attacks, suicide, and sexual assault. If you don’t feel like you’re in the right head space, maybe skip my blog for now. Maybe you want to keep reading. That’s alright! Just find some accountability. Read it with a friend or have a friend check up on you after you’ve read so that you can decompress. Remember, triggers and alarms in our head are not always bad. They signal us to be on-guard or to remove ourselves from a situation. Listen to them and respect them. (Go read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker and you’ll find more information about triggers and our natural fears.)
But, for now, you are welcome here and I hope you enjoy my blog and decide to stay here with me for a bit.